August 14, 2017

New Life as a Mom of Two

The audacity I have to even write this post two months in… I’m setting myself up for the worse case of karma but a lot of you asked on Insta Stories how I’m doing, what mom of two life is like and if I think 0-1 or 1-2 was/is harder. So, here goes…

I struggled A LOT when Lilly was born. Granted, I had nursing issues which, combined with the hormones, painted my perspective and I’d just moved from sunny Los Angeles to cold and dreary New York and left my career that I loved so I was primed for an internal battle. And battle, I did. I was used to an independent, outgoing, spontaneous and adventurous life. Motherhood may be an adventure but independence and spontaneity fly out the window fairly fast. I wondered if I’d ever work again (even though I was still consulting for the TV show I produced out in LA), what happened to my marriage and whether I’d ever get my body, sleep and sanity back. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it till the end of time, thank God for my mom’s group.

Thankfully, Lilly was an easy baby, perfect actually. She ate well, slept well (8 hours at 8 weeks!) and, besides a 2-3 week witching hour spell, barely cried- we were so lucky. And it was still hard! But my struggles were internal. I actually had a lot of time to myself with all the newborn napping and, being in the city, I could wear and/or push her everywhere, go for walks, run errands, shop, hit up a coffee shop or bar and it made comforting and feeding her far easier. There was no need to get in and out of a car and have her scream from the back while being unable to soothe her.

This time around, I’m far more at peace with parenthood. Along the way, I started this blog, which has allowed me to not only have a creative outlet, but bring in supplemental income and, most importantly, connect with women like you. I’ve found that community is so important. And I’m far kinder and more patient with myself. I’ve gotten out of my own way. So, mentally, for me, 1-2 has been so much easier than 0-1. Physically, it’s certainly much more of a juggle. But I also don’t have a fair assessment as I’ve had help since we’ve been home. Either Zach (paternity leave and weekends), my mom or his have been here pretty much round-the-clock, which has been so amazing. Therefore, I can’t really speak to full-time mom of two life just yet. Talk to me in September, when my free childcare ends and I’ll tell you how I really feel! Although Lilly will be back in school (she’s been out since April 27th due to the move) so that will certainly help. I don’t know who’s more excited, her or me. Probably me.

There’s also the ease of being more comfortable in my skin and capabilities as a mother. While I was fairly chill (definitely in comparison to Zach!) with Lilly, which I think equated to her being an easy baby (wish I could say the same for her toddler years!), I was still a first-time mom so there were natural anxieties. This time, I don’t fret about a prolonged cry or question every little decision and phase. I know how fleeting they are (and this whole experience is). With Lilly, I thought they’d all last FOREVER. I also know this is my last child so I’m appreciating it on a level I couldn’t and didn’t before.

It’s also been easier than I’d imagine on the sibling front. There are times I wish we’d started this whole process of trying for number two a bit sooner (especially considering the miscarriage) since I’m not getting any younger, Lilly’s so in love and I adore her having a little playmate- not that he’s playing much these days- but she’s at such a good age and stage for a new addition. There was barely any jealousy (although the picture above would say otherwise) and she’s so helpful and understanding. (To be clear, there’s also been far more screen time, little presents and sugar than usual, which has both helped and hurt us at times. There’s also been constant attention from grandparents so this is also not a completely normal scenario.) It’s really made this whole process so much smoother. (I have friends who’ve had the worst time, like daily vomiting and hyperventilating, with the older sibling adjusting.)

The only thing that’s really suffered is this site. I’m averaging one post a week, if that but I’m considering this my modified maternity leave and granting myself the peace to hit pause for a bit. Thanks so much for being patient and all the well wishes. Here’s to getting somewhat back on track in September (for all of us)!

Tell me, did you find 0-1 or 1-2 (2-3?) harder? What tips do you have for juggling multiple children (and career?)? I’d love to hear from you!